i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
