Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
