Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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