FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
