How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
