I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize