she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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