last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize