fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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