so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
PANTIES FOUND
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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