So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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