im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize