It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
