meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
