i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
