I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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