All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
