This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
