She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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