Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
