Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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