So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
