I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
