I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can I color on your dick again?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
