I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
