Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
