Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
