Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
