And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
