This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
