I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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