i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
