Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
