i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
