How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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