Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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