i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
