and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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