I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
