So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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