Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize