Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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