And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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