why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
