I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Less talking, more tequila
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
