Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
