Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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