i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
