I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
