So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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