If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
