Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
