Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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