Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
