i permit you to call me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
