No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize