I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
