Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
