it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
