a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
