dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
