i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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