i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
