its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
