STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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