We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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