I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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