talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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