we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
