Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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