five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we're making bets on your personal life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
