I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
