If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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