Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
