Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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