HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
