I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
