It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
