Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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