FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
