she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize