I was born with a shot glass in my hand
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
