Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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