I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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