Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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