I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
