I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
