I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
